I'm having trouble finding a job,
But lately I've found some of the most amazing people of my life.

My grades in academic subjects may be a little lower than I'd like,
But grade me in happiness, wisdom and understanding and I'd have a 4.0.

My mind may be off balance and be in need of re-centering,
But my heart knows exactly what it's doing.

The drudgery of the day to day seems endless,
But in my soul I feel that this will soon end.

There are much more lucrative careers I could be training for,
But music and anthropology are the two things that I live for.

Michigan's economy stinks and I could move somewhere else to get a better start,
But this place is my home and always will be.

I could go for a guy who's closer to my age and has been through more,
But this guy... he's everything I've ever wanted.

I could have told my I.O.R.G. advisors to find someone else to be Worthy Advisor this term,
But this organization has given me so much and molded me into who I am today.

Perhaps it would be wiser to lie and say that I belong to a more established religion,
But my soul would cry out for being forced to conform.

My focus could rest on all the negative things in my life,
But the world looks so much better through unclouded lenses.

It seems like the most profound people in my life drop out of the sky and into my lap.

Just this year, I've met a friend that is probably the closest thing anyone could come to duplicating a person without cloning.
We can tell each other anything, and we think along the same lines on most issues.
Life has a funny way of leading you through paths that will take you to amazing places.
I'm so glad I met her... things just wouldn't be the same if I didn't.

The people I meet really lead me to believe in past lives and reincarnation.
How else can you explain the instant connections you feel to a person you barely know?
There's another person who recently came into my life,
And I've been able to be more open and honest with him than I have with friends I've known for years.
We also have a lot of things in common, which of course makes relating to each other a lot easier.

This leads me to another issue: convenient friends versus connected friends.
A convenient friend is the one who belonged to the same high school clique as you did.
A connected friend shares the same values and outlooks.
A convenient friend only listens to some of your problems before changing the subject.
A connected friend will catch every single drop as you pour out the contents of your soul to them.
A convenient friend comes and goes with the changing winds,
A connected friend is a firm, unwavering foundation upon which to stand.

I could continue with comparisons, but I believe the intended effect was achieved...

Another dilemma has been weighing heavy upon my mind, as well my heart.
I've always been one to believe that a strong connection and common ground to stand on are the most important things when looking to start a relationship.
I'm a follower of the "love conquers all" philosophy,
However as of late, my faith has been wearing thin...
I found a person who I really enjoy talking to, who shares many of the same dreams and ideals.
We can talk about anything and everything, and I really enjoy that.
He doesn't judge me about the things I've done in my past,
And he trusts me enough to talk about serious issues in his family.
Everyone else on the other hand... they think it's "taboo" to say the least.
Honestly, if there wasn't so much resistance from our peers,
I would ask him out in a heartbeat.
But the distance between us complicates things.
If it were another time, things would be so much simpler.
I really think he struggles with this issue as well...
The distance isn't much, but when put into our circumstances,
It might as well be a lightyear.

Love is of God, and when you love, you are like Him.
I suppose that others just can't see that this love is real.
Are their eyes that clouded and so far from God that they can't see his work going on around them?
I pride myself quite often on being a "non-conformist" and going against the crowd.
However, the crowd's current and deadly undertoe attempt to drown me again and again.
It seems that every time I just gain enough hope, faith and courage to float once more,
A weight pulls me back down under the surface, gasping for the air of optimism that I am so desperate to breathe...

Do I go against the world, shunning everyone around me in order to reach happiness,
Or do I maintain the status quo and wait around for something else to happen by me?
I've been waiting for too long.
And this seems too good to be true...

I don't want to compromise the beliefs that I hold dear.
But on the same hand, I don't want to drive away those who are close to me that disapprove.
Then again, if they don't approve of something that makes me happy,
Can I really call them my closest friends then...?

I pray that those I love become enlightened and open their eyes to true love and happiness.
All I want is to be happy, without having to explain myself or feel guilty.
No taunts aimed at me, no judgmental looks or personal attacks.
Just happiness that shines so bright it leaves the world blind...

~ Laura aka Hiko ~

I really enjoy blogging, but mostly I write on other websites about the general goings on in my life.
I guess in all things there comes a time for change, a transition into something deeper and better.
Hopefully this change will start to move into other aspects of my life as well...

I still live at home, commuting to my college classes, and sometimes I think I would be better off living in a box.
My parents aren't really the understanding type--I haven't enlightened them on most of my "New Age" beliefs for fear of criticism, or even getting kicked out of the house.
Dad teaches Sunday school at the Methodist church a few miles away, and Mom's version of advice is "well maybe you just need to pray more, this could be God testing you."

They don't realize that I DO pray, just in a different way than they do.
They assume that because I don't attend church, that I'm not religious or spiritual at all.
How little they really know... I meditate in my room, I go to the park for Wiccan rituals with friends who share my beliefs,
And at this point in my life, I feel more spiritually grounded than I ever have.

I don't have a job, and I catch a lot of heat for that.
But I'm so much more content on being available to help others that I care about,
And having spare time to pursue my music, both playing/singing and composing.
However, I often am accused of being selfish by my family.
Again, they know so little about what I do...

I'm glad I found this website--a community of people who think along the same lines as me.
Even my group of closest friends, only a few really relate to the processes of my mind.
I really hope that I can connect with people through this site,
And maybe will be able to draw friends to this group so they can find answers too.
That's probably one of my biggest goals in life: to help my friends find answers.
Although there are still so many questions of my own that I need to answer as well...

It's not going to be an instantaneous journey, but I'm excited to embark upon it nonetheless. =)

- Laura aka Hiko